dianawho

Grandma

2005-11-27T03:42:54Z

This morning 11/26/05 at 4 a.m. my Grandmother passed away. I spoke many times of my grandmother and her health. Sunday my Grandma had a stroke, she remained in the hospital, she was weak and her body was showing signs. I stopped to see her Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday (Thanksgiving) She was confused and spoke in her native tounge of Italian most of the time... She did reconize her family but she couldn't tell us who we were, though she knew us.. she knew i was Diana but she couldn't communicate it to me... Thursday, Thanksgiving day, I went to visit her with my children. When i walked in she was sleeping, i sent the kids to go find my mother who worked in the diet office in the hospital, while i sat with Grandma, I felt she would not be coming out of the hospital then... I also felt a prense in the room that wasn't me or grandma... When grandma realized i was there she looked at me. I asked her various questions, she looked passed me as though she was seeing some one eles... She told me she was going home. I of course thought she meant home at mom's house... She spoke mostly in Italian that evening, though she did manage to tell me that my brother had been gone for a while (my brother has been working in N.O transporting water after hurricane Katrina) she also mention me getting married... so I knew she knew who i was, she was still there in the head.. Danyale had teased her and told her that her boyfriend was back because an older man came to change the glove box in her room... she said.... "Oh my GOD" Momma had come in and we visited for a while, I wanted to give mom time alone so i told grandma we were gonna leave, I told her mom was going to visit for awhile, but Grandma wanted my mom to go home with her family... I kissed grandma on the cheek and said
Mi Amore. I knew she would understand that. She smiled really big... That was the last time I seen her a live. Before she went in to surgery my sister told Grandma they had done a drug test on her... and grandma in her broken english said "why, they do." My sister had told her it was because she was acting funny and they wanted to see see what drugs were in her system... I don't know if she was being funny or pissed.. But she said.. "SON OF A BITCH."
She came out of surgery and went to intensive care, mom had visited her several time and the doctors had said that she was doing fine... about 2a.m. in the morning, my mom got a call from the nurses, asking if grandma had a living will cause she stated that Grandma didn't want to be hook to machine... My mom's frist instinct was to keep her a live, hook her up hook her up.... Grandma was not breathing... After mom, dad and my sister left for the hospital, the nurse called and my other sister answered the phone, they said Grandma was breathing again... Mom got there in time and she held grandma's hand she told her she didn't want her to go... she said, I love you mom.. I love you very much... Grandma made a sound like she was trying to speak, then she flat lined... She stayed alive long enough for momma to say good bye... I showed up two minutes later... I missed her last breathe, but she was still warm... I kissed her on the forehead and said Mi Amore Grandma... I hope she she was there to hear me... I hope she knows I loved her.
During this very long day... We swapped stories of grandma's last days and Momma had told me when she was visit with Grandma she was resting and she heard a voice in her ear. "Anamaria." It dawned on me then, that the presence in the room that i felt must have been my Grandpa... I never met Grandpa because he died the year i was born, so I didn't know him... when she told me she was going home she meant she was going home with Grandpa Mac. she had been dreaming of him for the last few weeks. when she looked past me she was looking at Grandpa Mac. she was happy cause she smiled at him... When my mom heard her name... Think this is crazy... but I think it was Grandpa and he was letting her know he was coming for Grandma... He was telling his baby he was taking momma home... This whole day has been surreal... I can't believe she is gone. I can't believe she is gone... I am going to miss her so much... I was 28 years old when Grandma really because an active member of my life.... God I am gonna miss her. I don't know how much more emotional trama my mind is gonna be able to take... Mi Amore Grandma... Mi Amore.... Take good care of Grandma, Grandpa Mac...

Diana

Mothers worst fear

2005-10-26T15:06:19Z

You beg and pleade to god, Please don't make nothing bad happen to any of your children.... I've always prayed to god to protect my children, even though in my mind I always thought something might happen to one of my babies... I am a realist, however It still came as a shock... My eleven year old daughter Kymberly went to her dad's for the weekend, usual thing. This week she went over Saturday instead of Sunday and played with the neighbor boy. She's been doing this on and off for about a year. I figured my Ex knew these people, Which is why he entrusted his baby girl to them... Sunday Kymmi went swimming with the neighbors, The man, his foster son and the two neighbors behind him a boy and a girl who kymmi plays with. The man had sent the two boys to the store while he played in the water with Kymmi and her friend Haley.... He held them on each side of him and when he got closer to shore he let Haley go, and he held kymmi back, he procceeded to pinch her breast and kymmi thought he did it on an accident... Until i put his palm down in her bikini bottom. I have always drilled in my kids head, if any one ever touches you in your private parts, to tell Mommy no matter if they threaten you or not. She kicked the guy and swam away telling him her friend wanted to talk to her. She got away from him. I am lucky she knew what was wrong. It just hurts so bad, Some 54 year old man touched my baby, and thought he was gonna get away with it. Now Kymmi is going to have to go through investigations and all that stuff and be put under a child protection plan. It hurts my heart so bad. I can't believe this is happening to us. I cried myself to sleep last night and I am still walking around like a zombie, I am numb but sick to my stomach everytime I think about that man putting his hands on her body. Apparently he has been working his way up to touching her, because Kymmi and her friend Haley had said the man had been touching her leg and arm, and tells Kymmi to sit next to him or on his lap and the mother of the little girl had said that he had went swimming in his pool with Kymmi alone, telling Kymmi she can swim in his pool anytime she wanted. She spent a week with that family when Danyale and I came up to St. Louis and another week when Tim and I went on the cruise. I just handed my baby girl to some sexual pervert. I thought my ex knew him.... I thought there was nothing wrong.. I guess I was wrong.. I never let any one watch my kids unless they were family. I don't know if I am gonna be able to survive this.. This kind of pain hurts to bad. I am just lucky he didn't go further. I hope he didn't go further. Kymmi said he didn't but maybe she is covering.. I don't know. I guess Time will tell

Those who Love you Hurt you the most

2005-09-16T05:08:22Z

Why is it, that those who love you, are the ones who will hurt you the most?
I had a very trying day today. It started off pretty eventless. I must admit the last few months I have been lagging, I have been depressed over my financial situation, After my cruise to the carribeans I have been well lets say just broke. The forced move, made it even harder. I have changed my habits so that I can survive and to say the least it's put me in even more of a depression. I stopped posting as much because I didn't want my friends to see me as a complainer.. Today though. Today or shall I say yesterday. It just clinched it for me. It seemed that every one I love has either tried or inadvertantly hurt me. It started off with my youngest. She calls me from her friends house. Not knowing my phone has caller ID on it, she tells me, "Mommy I am at home." She lies to me. So when I tell her, that she isn't calling from home she trys to tell me her friend has three way calling and she was calling me from her phone. So here I am upset that my young child is lying to me, when I get a call from my daughter Danyale. She tells me my Son Josh isn't at Basket ball practice, I have had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't going to basket ball, I just chose to not believe it. I drove over to his friends where I pick him up three times a week, going out of my way to do so. When I get there, I get out of the car, which is something I do not do, I usually just honk the horn. He sees me in the the drive way and he knows he is in trouble. I asked him, why didn't you go to basket ball practice. His reply. " I didn't know we had it today." It broke my heart. I asked him "Do you want me to go to your coach and ask him if you been coming to basketball practice every day?" he shook his head, he knew that he had been caught. I asked him." how long have you been out of basket ball?" His reply. " I only went the first week." I was hurt, I felt like he tore my heart out and stomped on it. I never expected Josh to lie to me, He was never like that. Last year he started hanging out with a boy who lives among a lot of black people. I don't mind black people, i have good friends that are black, My son however is not... He is as white as white can get, but he wears his pants around his butt cheeks and he walks around with an attuide... I cried for thrity minutes, just sat in my car and cried, then I got out of the car and called the youth pastor cause I didn't have no where eles to turn. So after all that hurting and I start to calm down after two of my children bold face lie to me. Tim comes home, he comes home way later than usual, he goes straight to the bathroom and starts to take a shower. doesn't come in and let me know he is home, I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and coloring kymmi's hair. I sent Kymmi to wash the color from her hair, My other two kids tell me Tim's home and said he had been home for awhile. Didn't even let me know. So I came in to the bathroom while he was taking a shower and asked him. Why didn't you tell me you were home. His reply to me was. " I didn't think I had to check in." I try to explain to him that Kymmi had to wash the chemicals out of her hair, and had I known he was home i would have let him know that I was washing her hair. He started yelling at me telling me that he is a 40 year old man and he didn't have to check in when he got home. So i proceeded to cook Dinner and wash dishes, help Kymmi with her home work and Danyale register for her ACTS. Tim had gotten up turned of the Tv and came to bed, he didn't say anything to me. So after I was done, I came to bed, and I try to explain to him. I was helping my kids and he didn't have to go to bed so early. I try to be intimate with him but he said that if I wanted to be intimate i would have been there earlier. Then he brought up the fact that I came in to the bathroom telling him he needed to check in when he got home, I told him if he loved me like he says he loved me he wouldn't treat me like that. His reply. "Don't you have anything eles to worry about then this stupid shit. You have three kids and I have three kids, I much rather than talk about them then rather you think I love you or not." The rest of my heart, lays smashed on the floor. All I ever want is for my family to be truthful to me and to love me uncondtionally. is that to much to ask?

How bad is this

2005-04-22T02:00:40Z

How bad am I? I haven't logged in to my live journal in so long.. I have even had plenty of things to write about and just haven't. Getting ready to go to the RT convention in St. Louis. How exciting is that? It's still days away, i don't think i am ready yet, yet i am to ready. I really need the break from work. I also need a break from my normal life. I am going to miss the hell out of Tim, I don't usually go more than 10 or 12 hours with out seeing my man, and here i am gonna be away for four days. I did it last year, I guess i can do it this year. It makes coming home a lot more fun. I hope he misses me as much as he did last year.
I am looking forward to seeing my friends, Sheila, Mary, Lisa, Anne and Maida again and meeting Lysa as well as some others from my groups. I can't wait for every one to see me. Last year when I went to the convention I was 70lbs heavier. since i have lost the weight, cut my hair and changed my image some what. I can't wait to see everyones reactions.
I am off now to finish my computer work and then i am going to work on my dress for the convention...

My Halloween

2004-11-02T03:23:04Z

It came and went.... My Halloween Party and Haunted house..... It was a sucess as usual. Though i was still not prepared for the party. The haunted house ended up not being done before the Party so I was a little disappointed about that. However the kids had a good time.... I bought a tent so that the bugs will stay out of the food... I must have set up the tent inside out because I think there was more bugs on the inside. I had those bug candles that kept the bugs away from my food. I set up the stero and played the Cds that I recorded and played several games with the kids... It turned out really well considering. The kids thought my costume was awesome and they all thought Josh, Kymmi and Danyale's mom is the coolest... wooohoo, I am the coolest mom. I ended up having more food then I needed and not enough room on the tables for what I had. That's ok though, I had left overs. The party started at 6:30 and I was ready for it to be over by 10:00 about 40 kids were presents.
The Haunted House was up by Saturday evening, we ended up getting it completed about 10 minutes til 7 which is when it was supose to start. So there was about 50 people sitting out side the haunted house by the time we got ready. It was a sucess though. I think there was over 400 people who walk through it and several groups walk through it several times. The costumes were great and we had tons of cool props... My sister in Law kept saying that my brother wasn't going to do this next year, but my brother said other wise... Next year I am sure it will be bigger... The haunted house it's self was a huge maze with several big rooms and of course a lab with creepy body parts and heads.... We hung heads from the ceiling so that people came face to face with the heads. We hung them in a cage where we closed people in the cage for about 30 seconds and shot air at them with an air hose... It was a blast because they scream their heads off. after they left the cage they had to walk through the lab with our evil dr.s who would ask them if they needed their heads, and then they would have to walk through a walk way with arms and legs hanging from the ceiling in to another walk way where there were wet cloth hanging from the ceiling. My sister sat in a coffin and when the people walked through she would sit up and put her hands out to them or just scream. down one walk way we had a picture of a clown hanging from the wall and around the corner we had a person in an evil clown outfit who chase the kids around the corner... That was one of our scarest parts. different characters walked through the mazes and scared the hebby gebbies out of people. and My brother was Shady Slim who stood just out side the haunted house and chased the kids away. It was great.. I can't wait to do it again

Changed Me and My group friends

2004-10-06T13:40:50Z

I wanted to write in my journal yesterday. I was so busy though, with The divorce, Dr's appt. and Soccer. I can truly say now that I am a multi tasked mom. My divorce was Final yesterday after several years. I felt bad for my ex because after all these years he actually thought that I might go back with him.... It hurt him bad. I don't like to hurt people. It wasn't my intention, but he had to have realized there was no coming back, especially after three years. I felt yesterday like I have accomplished something.... with My weight loss which is 40lbs now (according to my dr. chart) My New Car, and my divorce. I still have a great number of things in my life that I want to accomplish and like my dear friend Sheila I will make a list of them and see if I can cross them off.
Also this year, I have made a great deal of friends over the Internet. Not male friends looking for cyber sex or phone sex. But female friends, Ones who have impacted my life strongly. Friend that will last a life time. I know meeting friends on the Internet is risky.. You become close and then lose touch. How many times has this happen to me? quite a few. This is different, these girls that we talk to we have created a bond. I have met several of them in person. Like Sheila, who I have met several times (she is my number one mentor. without her wit and charm our group would have dwindled down. She is a great writer, and she inspires me to try to be the same. Lisa, I met in New York for RT. she wasn't one of my room mates but she might as well been, the only time she wasn't in the room was when we were sleeping. (Lisa is our Moderator and a great one, she has wonderful contacts, and I am impressed by her origination skills. she would be my second mentor, and I love her dearly) I also met, Anne, Mary, and Erynn. these girls were my room mates at RT in New York. We had loads of fun hanging out together and laughing it up at nights. Anne, is a very warm person, she has a charming accent southern accent, she is quite funny and quick witted. Mary, was my shopping buddy. We spent a great deal of time at the mall together, we barely made it back in time for the party. Mary is quite much of the time but don't let that fool you she is a little devil. I enjoyed spending time with her, she is smart and funny and can give the best damn back rubs... Erynn, she was the real quite one, but she is sweet and charming, and she can really be a friend when you need one. I also met Maida, she is a spunky one. She full of joy and fun, even though she was sick at RT she gave everyone a push to do something. I have also had phone conversation with Maida and she is truly a friend. She won't let you be down for a minute, and she can make you laugh in any situation. Now what about Isaac? Yes he truly is a goof ball, and it is fun to tease him and taunt him... He takes it all in good strides. He is a warm loving person who gives great hugs. He is the reason all of us girls got together. We all love Isaac. I also met Christi when I first met Sheila and Jax I met after RT. she was at RT, but i didn't talk to her til afterwards.

I have done a great deal of changing in the last year and meeting people who will help my life grow in many ways. I hope to meet many more of my friends this coming RT or/and other places in the world. I can almost say I love my life.

My 3rd Year Meetaversy with Tim

2004-09-23T13:01:33Z

Today is my third year Meetaversy with Tim (it's like our Anniversary but we aren't married so we call it our Meetaversy to celebrate the day we met. So it's been three years. I have lived with him for a little over two. I know I complain a lot about him but I would have it any other way. He's like the other half of me. The air I breathe, and though he gets mad at me and we argue a lot, I know that he can't live with out me too. Tim being an only child never really had to share, or give to other people. His first marriage was a selfish one and the only people he ever had to give to was his kids... I am slowly bringing him out of that though I still think he has a long way to go. He still thinks of himself before he thinks of me. We couldn't afford to buy presents this year even though I did buy him a dash board talking Homer Simpson. His car broke down and now we are looking for a new one. Go figure in a time of need it can always get worse.
Three years. It may not be that long but I feel like I have known him my whole life. I know that I will be with him for the rest of my life. And even after these three years. I miss him when he leaves for work, I can't wait to see him when he gets home from work. I can't go all day without hearing his voice and I can't sleep without him in my bed. The Three days in NY was a killer for me, three days is just to long not to be with him. Is that Love or what?
We celebrated our Meetaversy on Sunday because Tuesday is the Ordinal day of our meetaversy and he didn't want to take a day off in the middle of the week, because he only had one day off left. So we did it Sunday. A friend of mine gave us tickets to go see the pirate dinner theater and go to pleasure Island.
I brought the clothes and man were they hot. a short black skirt, an off the shoulder shirt and my black knee high boots that I bought from NY. We got to Orlando early so we went to the mall because this time of year, I start looking for Halloween stuff for my brother. We were probably there for two hours, When we realized it was getting late we left to go get dressed for the show. Won't you figure stuck in a traffic jam on I4 about an hour in the traffic Tim decided to take an emergency vehicle only exit and we went back toward where we came from, which wasn't that far we only had traveled about three miles in an hour. It was almost 6 o'clock so we decide to go ahead an go to the show the way we were dress which for me was a white shirt, blue jeans, a pair of sandals and no make up what so ever. So of course they take pictures. They started seating almost immediately when we got there. So it was a good thing we got there early. We upgrade our tickets for 5 bucks more and were able to get front row seats. When you first go in to one of these dinner shows you stand around in a bar area where you can eat a buffet style appetizer and order drinks which are really expensive 3 dollars for a coke. This particular show had a pirate museum which to me wasn't very interesting just a bunch of readable signs and a few pirate paraphernalia , it was ok but I am usually not interested in museums. There were a couple gift shops with outrageous prices, But you have to expect that from Orlando.
We stood around looking at the stuff and eating appetizers for a while then a pre show came on. It was cute and this is where they picked volunteers. Tim made sure we were far away from where they were picking volunteers because he never wants to be picked. Again we had to wait another 10 minutes then the show started Live actors came out to portray princess, gypsies and pirates. After the that they lead us in to the dining hall where they had every thing set up. We were in the front row which was kind of neat. They waitresses come by dressed in pirate looking outfits and offer you drinks.. I drank a diet coke of course. You get all the free coke, beer, and wine you want. Well it isn't free because the tickets are originally 49.00 Then they start passing out a small salad, by this time you are already full from the appetizers. The entree was a piece of chicken three small chunks of meat in gravy, a vegetables medleys, and rice. you eat while the show is playing. I really don't want to spoil it for people who might go see it, but it was cool with a lot of action and jumping around and crowd interaction. They brought out a apple and vanilla ice cream dessert for the ending. and of course the waitresses bring out a tray that says if you tip 5.00 a person it would be appreciated. Well I am thinking I might want to be a waitress there, work two hours a night and make a couple hundred dollars. Afterwards there was a buccaneer bash but Tim and I didn't stay for that, we had plans to go to Pleasure Island, those of you who don't know what pleasure island is. It is Disney owned. It's a network of night clubs, restaurants and Disney shops. It's really fun if you like to dance and have fun. (note to self need to get some group buddies to go with me ) Unfortunately Tim doesn't like to dance when he isn't drunk and he couldn't get drunk because he ate to much. So needless to say, I got upset because I went back to the hotel got myself all dressed up did my hair and make up and put on planned outfit. We ended up leaving pleasure island about two hours early.
When we got back to the hotel I pulled a Sheila, yes I know not to original but I bought a plaid skirt, a white shirt with a tie, knee high socks and I had a pair of plate form shoes a black bra and black underwear and a jar of chocolate body spread. Tim said I would look cute as a catholic school girl one day so to his surprise I was. I couldn't pull my hair back in pony tails cause my hair is to short so I slicked it back, did not button the shirt all the way and wore the little tie that went with the shirt. Well here is where I am not going to get in to detail. However Sleep didn't come till much much later.
So there is my meetaversy celebration. I had lots of fun except for pleasure Island I guess next time I should go with the right people... Hear that Sheila?
The next morning we got up went to Planet Hollywood for lunch this was also supplied from my friend (it's good to have friends who works for Disney) And we came back home to see if we can find Tim a car. ( you know they don't give those things away free)
Three years..... and I am still lovin it.................................

Poor Me

2004-09-08T16:26:52Z

I am having a poor me day today. I have been trying to get out of it, but it's been coming for awhile. I am feeling a little depressed, like you know. Maybe I am not here or something. Last night Tim and I got in to a big fight, he was going to make me get rid of my cat cause once in a while the cat makes a mistake on the carpet.. No big deal you can always clean the house... But it lead into other things as it always does. I've done a lot for Tim and I even changed my last name to his last name without getting married, And I feel he just doesn't respect me. I have to sacarfies everything, while he gives up nothing. We made up but I am still ticked off. I want him to have to sacarfic too. I don't always want to be his girlfriend, I want to be more. We said a lot of hurtful things last night. well mostly him. I just sat still and listen to him rant and rave about the things that he hates. I packed my stuff up, I was going to go. I had my clothes in the car my kids packed up. Then he says please don't go.... I love you I want you to stay... I told him what I want from him. He never promised to change. I can live with most of his imperfections but a few of them I just can't. One of them is the fact that when I say "I love you".. his reply is "Whatever." Another thing I can't live with is the fact that When he yells at me for no reason hurts my feelings or accidently hurts my physically. He will never say he is sorry. I have to apologies when it was his fault we were arguing. I thought things were getting better between us. I mean it was never horrible, but when I started losing weight he started noticing me more. Wanting to touch me, our sex life got even better and he would walk up to me and put his arms around me for no reason. Up until I lost the weight he never did things like that.
It's stupid things that make him mad. Like the cat peeing on the carpet or the trash not being taken out before he gets home.. Or leaving a towel on the floor.
Other things that have been grating my mind recently and i know it's petty but it kind of is hurtful. I lost 37lbs and the only time any one ever notices it is if I say.. I have lost 37lbs. Like I said I know I am being petty. I did all this work and it seems like for nothing. I know I look different I can see it in the mirror. I lost three dress sizes. Why can't any one eles see it.. I just want some one to come up to me and say "Hey you lost weight"
I'm just a no body and no bodies are ever noticed. Even my online group friends seem to not talk to me any more. My post go unnoticed. I know I shouldn't be like this. But The girls on those boards seem like family to me. I just don't want to be a no body there too.
I hate feeling this way. I try to be up beat and funny all the time. But I guess not everybody can be upbeat and funny every minute of the day. I just hope that things get better for me. Maybe it's the hurricanes that has brought me down, being out of work twice or the bills that are piling up. I just want something to change maybe it should be me.

Waiting is Hell

2004-09-04T14:39:53Z

So here it is three weeks later and we are experience another Hurricane. Yes Another one. Charley wasn't enough, Frances is on her way. And she is doing it very slowly. I think she is teasing us. Yesterday the forcast said that we would be hit around 2am Saturday morning, well here it is Saturday and the forcast is to be hit at around 8pm to 2am in the morning. Not only is this hurricane going to take all day to happen we are on a curfew, yes we were told to stay in our homes from 6am in the morning. As it stands a portion of Highlands county is in the red zone of the hurricane which means of course the eye of the hurricane. Go figure Avon Park is the portion of Highlands County that is in the red zone. So we are stuck here in our homes waiting for a very slow moving hurricane to make her decision on rather she wants to be fearce or not. It's only 10 am, rains are heavy at this time and the winds are picking up. we haven't gone up to shelter yet, because we are only getting bands of rain right now. When the hurricane gets closer we will go up to the church to the shelter. This time my children are with me, we hadn't expected them to put us under curfew so i didn't get my kids to a better shelter. This hurricane is not as windy as the last hurricane and I hope that by the time it reaches us that it will demishes a little bit. SO we will just sit her and wait and wait and wait, and wait some more.
Winds went back up to 105 miles an hour It had been down graded to a hurricane 2 over night but it looks like it might turn back in to a catagory 3. This one looks to last a long time. which will incure lots of damage.
I pray that it gets over with as fast as possible

My sister's Alcoholic Husband

2004-08-21T03:39:07Z

My sister married a alcoholic, for years we warned her about him but she is in love with him she can't see what a monster he has become, They have been married for eleven years now, and for about a year he was clean. I thought he was finally becoming responsible and that he was serious about being a capable husband and father to their two son's, (Christian 7 and Sean 6) About a month ago my brother in law Chris invited a friend to stay with them for a few days. The few days became a few weeks and then a month, the guy practically moved in with them. He and Chris would go to bars and Chris started neglecting his job and the important things in life. Chris is already bi polar as well as skitzo. About two weeks ago my sister calls me and tells me that Chris was picked up by the police and that he was going to jail, She had told me that a few days before Chris friend was calling her a slut, a bitch, a lowlife, So my sister told him to leave, her husband didn't step up and say hey that is my wife or say watch your mouth. He got mad because My sister yelled at his friend and they left and were gone up till the time he got arrested. There was drugs found in my brother in laws car and he was passed out in a hotel some where. Chris is a probation Officer and his job was at risk. They didn't find any none prescribed drugs in his system so they didn't press charges, however men in the police department started rumors about my brother in law saying he was a drug dealer and that he was found with crack whores...etc. So instead of doing the smart thing and maybe quitting his job that he was about to lose anyway and maybe moving where his wife and children were safe from the ridicule he decided to start his own rumors saying he was going to shoot the cops responsible for making him look bad... (mind you Chris doesn't need any help in this department) Well as this got out that Chris was making threats to police officers his job decided enough was enough and they fired him. So now he is unemployed, bi polar,skitzo and an alcoholic... Did Chris stop here? No he went on a drinking binge.... Is this enough... Well my sister is now convinced that he is cheating on her... I thought my sister had enough punishment, but i guess not... Yesterday i called my sister because my mom was worried about her. I hadn't expected my brother in law to answer the radio because mom said that he had left on my sisters birthday and went out drinking and hadn't returned in a few days.... So I called my sister and was going to try to convince her to come home... Chris answered. I didn't want to talk to him cause at this point it's all I can do not to just cuss his ass out. I said Chris where is my sister... He started talking to me in Spanish... I said Chris I want to talk to Connie.... he again starts talking in Spanish... I said Chris i know it's you, i know your voice.. Where is Connie... He starts slurring his words together like he was smashed... I kept pressing him, Chris i want to talk to Connie. He says she in the Ocean. I said what? I killed her. I said that isn't funny and he started laughing... I said where is Connie. I killed her... She at the bottom of the ocean. Now i am getting pissed... I told him, You better not have hurt my sister.... and he started singing.... I use to love her but I killed her... About now I am starting to panic... This man is psycho and even my sister has say he is losing it. I said Chris you better let me talk to my sister... He said she is unavailable, She on the bottom of the Gulf... Now I am pissed and scared. I called my dad and told him about it... He called my sister and she called to see if she can contact Connie... when she couldn't get her My other sister called the police. I tried Connie again and she answered. She was in the dentist with her son. The police was already on their way... My brother in law's practical joke back fired. I try to convince my sister to leave him that he is dangerous but she wants to get him help.... You just don't tell some one you killed there sister. So Do you think Chris took the visit from the police serious? Nope..... He didn't....... He went drinking last night... Called Connie at 4am... He was stuck at a stripe club and he had wreaked his car. So like a dummy my sister goes and picks him up and helps him home. My mom is about out of her mind. She and everyone else is trying to get Connie to leave him... If not for her, for the boys. She feels that she can save him. I fear he will end up killing her or the boys. I don't know what to do about my sister.... and I fear I won't be able to save her.

Hurricane Charley and his Aftermath

2004-08-19T03:57:41Z

I never thought it would happen, a hurricane by the name of Charley ripped through South West Florida and tore through Central Florida. In it's aftermath it left destruction, Chaos and devastation . Over a million Florida residents were left without power,water or phones. Power lines and trees were down everywhere and debris from homes scattered the grounds of Avon Park. I just thank God that my friends,family and co-workers were spared from to much damaged that this horrific storm had caused. My experience with it was less than most, but it was an experience I won't soon forget. It makes you realize what you take for granted. Neighbors that you did not know become your friends and allies.

The Night of the Hurricane
From beneath the outside eves of the church that we used as Shelter we watched in stunned horror as the hurricane tore through our community it's high winds forcing off the roofs of many of my neighbors homes and peeling off carports like they were no more than a can of sardines, wrenching huge trees out by their roots, not to mention blowing away the play ground that my children play on. Later we watched through the windows of the church as large chunks of debris flew by, all the while each of us hoping that what we saw was not portions of our own home that littered the community grounds. Some of us were lucky but some where not. The little community that had been a part of Avon Park for as long as i can remember was being marred by this ferocious storm. We all waited in suspense as the hurricane subsided and ventured out to see what damages Charley left behind. My own home was spared, and I am thankful for that however some of my neighbors were not so lucky their homes had suffered a great deal of ruins.
Tim and I had taken a trip through some close by neighborhoods to survey some of the damage. As it was in my community a massive amount of downfall occurred, houses had major damages and trees fallen in the middle of the road, down power lines kept us from continuing our search. We went back to our dark powerless house opened all the windows and laid awake for a while thinking about all what we had witness that evening.

The Day After

The damage to the community and other parts of Avon Park was much more significant than it looked the night before. Tim and I took the car out to check on other parts of our families. My children stayed over their dad's house because he had a brick home. His home only sustained minor damages however he lost most of his tree's in his yard, the back yard fence, and like everyone else in Highlands County their was no power, water, or telephone even all the cellular phones were non working. My mother and Grandmother had stayed at the hospital where my mom works and came home early the next morning. Her home though still liveable had endured more damage as there was three homes on her property. Two of the three houses had some roof damage, One house had the porch and deck destroyed, Several of the tree's that I had planted as a child were split in two or ripped out by the roots. The most heart broken destruction to me had to be the barn, it had been there for longer than i can remember, sixty years or more. I spent a lot of years playing house in that barn as a child, it's even where I kissed my first crush. It is no more than a shell now. It roof torn to pieces. It will have to be disassembled now, I will always have the memories but it will never be the same without the barn. As for Tim's kids their home did not get any damages they were as we were suffering without AC however they had running water because they lived in the city limits.

Day one Aftermath Of Charley For Us

The day after proved to be insufferable, the heat was intolerable with no power for our homes, we sat in our car port sweat dripped from every pore on my body. Being accustom to air conditioner, I was in constant hyper ventilation. At this point the only water we had was that in which I put in the bathtub, Tupperware and the wash machine. I used a small bowl so that i could wash off the funk that was already forming it's self on my skin. We could not inform any of our relatives out of state that we were fine because of no phones and i could not contacted any of my co workers or boss, at this point i did not know what condition Lake Wales where i worked was in, I was not sure if the salon i worked at was even open. It had turned out that Lake Wales was in worse shape than Avon Park. I was afraid that if I didn't go to work that I might lose my job but at the moment I was unable to contact any one and my vehicle was low on gas.
I hadn't really expected that the hurricane would actually come through Highlands County, in the pervious years they would dwindle out before they reach the middle of the state. So I didn't think to fill my car with gas, or buy propane for grill. I had actually thought that we would have had a garage sale on Saturday after the storm. That was before the impact of the hurricane. We had only a few can goods, some water and nothing to cook on.
Around noon, a neighbor in which i had never met until the night of the hurricane had invited us to come to the church's kitchen where other members of the community had brought foods from their refrigerators to prepare on three different grills. Everybody brought something from their homes to make before the food had gone bad. We even brought a few things. My children returned home before the feast and we all left stuffed. We did however find that there was a source of water that we could get but it would entitle filling containers with the water and bringing it home. It was better than nothing
The rest of the day was spent sweltering in the heat.. A long with the night came the mosquitos, we no longer could stay out side. I had a portable dvd player that kept the kids passive, but had already lost it's power. I put it on the car charger and we all retired to bed at eight thirty. There was nothing else to do It turned out to be a long night. with the heat and going to bed to early all five of us could not sleep.

Day two Aftermath

This day had been like the one before, hotter and hell. Tim was become agitated because his hair was oily being use to washing his hair twice a day he felt dirty. So we washed his hair with cold water as he lean over the tub, after I washed his hair, he washed my hair.
We made an ice run and was able to save a few of my food items, the wait for ice wasn't horrible but as we leaving I heard them say they were on the last pallet. Many people didn't get ice. We stopped at publix's because it was one of the few stores that were actually open for business, they were running on generators that could only run the registers and lights. All the perishable foods were being thrown in the trash. We bought non perishable foods to get us through the several days. I ended up dipping in to my rent to pay for the food. When we got home we took every available cooler, jars and Tupperware to the water source to fill up. It took everything i had not to play in the water. At noon we went back up to the church to share in the last of the non perishable foods that we all had, it was the last of the feast from then on we were on our own.
The hotter the day became the grumpier every one became. I try to find things to do to keep me occupied I had washed the kids hair while they sat in the bathtubs in their bathing suits and I poured cold water on their heads, then sent them off to watched dvd's that they had already watched as I try to clean the house, at the rate i was going, i thought that even the Flintstones modern conveniences would be nice. while listening to the radio we had heard that it would be about ten days before any power was restored. This gave us less hope, and Tim and I started to argue over the fact that he wanted to drive to Georgia, I couldn't go. One because of my kids and two because of my job. The phones came on and we were able to make a few calls but the phone company was teasing us, because an hour later the phone lines died again. I try to keep the dvd player charged so the kids would stay out of my hair, it only worked for a little while and they became bored.... Even i was getting bored and though i tried to read, my mind kept going back to my dilemmas and i just put the book down. We listen to the car radio for the bi hourly update hoping to hear good news... Relief teams were coming in and passing out ice and foods and other necessities, however none had mention anything about electric in a bottle... I was be coming delirious in the heat even that sounded like a good idea to me. Again as the night came so did the bugs so we returned to the inside of the hot dark house to spend another fitful night, Let me tell you though extreme heat makes for hotter sex.

Day three Aftermath

This had to be the hardest day for me We got up and washed each others hair, my hair is really curly and without a blow dryer i can not straighten it I was extremely frustrated because of the way my hair had looked for three days. Today we were going to have to venture out in to town to get ice and gas... While we were listening to the radio we heard about woody's BBQ giving out free food at 11 o'clock so we figured we leave early to wait. we got there about 9am and was about 80th in line we had to wait in our cars and wait for them to start serving the food about 11am they started the cars moved about 50 cars and then we stopped for about another 30 minutes because they had to make more food. Around noon we made it up to the front of the line where we gave them a Tupperware in which they put five 4 oz pieces of meat inside. that was to feed a family of five, believe me it wasn't enough. After receiving the food, we left and went to find ice. the Armory was suppose to have ice and free non perishable foods, we got there after noon the truck was suppose to be there at twelve so we waited an hour and still no show . Tim isn't the waiting type he was running out of patience and we still needed fuel so we left and went to sit wait in line for gas. we waited about forty-five minutes and was told that their was no more gas. We gave up decided to keep what gas we had in the car and went home. I tried to keep myself busy. But each hot second that crept by was driving me insane. The radio announcer had said that parts of Avon Park had power and I was ready to break in to a house, My mother had left to Dade City the day after the hurricane so i had thought to go see if she had electric if she did i was going to break in and vegetate there... However my Mom was back home and they still did not have electricity, however they did get a generator but it only ran the lights, the fridge and the stove. I took my kids over to their dad's house to see what was going on there, and found out that they had a generator too, I was beyond mad because my kids were suffering while their dad, girlfriend and her kids were at least getting a fan. I talked him in to taking the children even though his girlfriend appeared to be pissed about it. On my way to take Danyale and Kymmi to get some more clothes we decided to stop for ice, Tim had already found out about the ice and was already waiting in line.... The wait had to be at least two hours, I did manage to do my good deed for the day as i took two twenty pound bags of ice for an elderly couple to their car, wondering all the while why Tim sent me to do this task and not himself. I was surprised on my way to the car my cell phone had rang. I knew that the cellular phones were working because i was able to make calls on it while i was waiting for ice. It was Sheila Clover and she calling to check up on me, she told me that everyone was worried and that she was glad to hear my voice... I had told her that they were expecting us to get power within ten days. I was so happy that some one thought enough to call me, apparently she had tried several times. I was now in a pretty good mood considering the day I had.... As i pulled in to my community i noticed that lights were on the church, this was a good sign.... I drove down the hill to my home and dashed in to my home.... There was light.... Thank god there was light.... We still had no phone or water.... it was a start..... I went to pick up my son from his dad, and to share the good news. They didn't seem to be in such a happy spirits for me but I didn't care.... I had lights..... Later that night my phone came on and i was able to connect to the Internet. I read about how everyone was worried about me. I was so touched by the concern from my friends on the Isaac Woofter, Peter Decicco and Christine Feehan fan sites....
On Tuesday my water came back on. I was fully functional again. However we still have power outages, though they don't last that long. Today is Wednesday five days after the Charley, Florida is still devastated, but it's slowly starting to come back together. Business are reopening and soon we will start getting some foods back in our stores... Gas lines aren't near as long and most of the residents of Highlands County don't have to make ice runs. However my work has not become operational and it might be another week before it does. I still pray for the other victims of this hurricane, in Charlotte, Polk, and Hardee Counties these were the worst hit. I now can say I survived hurricane Charley, I think i could have lived without.

getting a little better

2004-05-19T16:16:41Z

Things are getting a little better now, though it is still hectic at work, my supervisor spent all day at work with me yesterday and we were trying to find people who might be interested in working. so far no bites. One of my employee's who is a great asset to the company she is extremely good at doing highlights and she speaks spanish and english so that is a plus so wants a raise but my supervisor said no.. That is why i don't get big companies, they have all this money but they won't divulge any of it to people who are assets to their company they hoard the money and give it to area's that are non essential for the company. Then they say we are a multi million dollar company because we don't frugally give our money away.. but they also don't appericate the people that work for them. What kind of bull shit is that. so they get new people and those new people decide that they are unappericate and they leave and they get new people and those people feel unappericated and they leave, it's a never ending process. It's why clients end up going to private salons because at least they feel that there will not be so much of a turn over there. My needless to say I still have my crappy job, my friend is still employeed so we can run the store almost by our selves. however it makes it hard. I have an interview with a student coming out of school and if i can get her she can work the desk until she gets her license. Just breathe Diana Just breathe. I was also stressing out because there is a big manager's meeting on monday and tuesday of next week and i have been begging and begging my bf to go with me because i am terrified of driving in places that i am not firmilar with I think he finally realized when I couldn't tell him where california was on the map that I was directionally challenged and that letting me go some place by myself would cause me to get lost. (ok, so i do know where california is on the map but do you think i was going to tell him i did.) SO he decided to take the two days off and we will be staying at a 5 star hotel provided by my company. So that stress is off of me for a little while. Unless he comes home and tells me he can't take those days off because some one eles already took it off. Well so that is my story for today.

Work dilemma

2004-05-17T22:11:28Z

I am still having a sucky time at work, now i have a dilemma, it started out Saturday, I am sharing one of my employee's not to mention my bestfriend with another salon for my company. When they asked my friend Cory to leave my salon and work in the other salon she told them she would only do it, if she was able to come back to work with me if she didn't like it. My supervisor agreed and when she realized that she did better at my salon in money wise she told my Area supervisor that she wanted to go back. well My supervisor said yes she can go back but she had to work at the other salon for 3 weeks. well one of my stylist had to quit because of a family emergency and i called my Supervisor and told her i need to have Cory... So with out asking Cory rather she wanted to work both places she told me that cory would have to work two days at each Salon. So without complaint she worked both salons for about three weeks. I needed cory more because The Salon manager at the other store had more people and she was just using Cory so that she could take weekends off. (which btw i was told I couldn't have weekends off.) So I finally talked my Supervisor in to giving me cory but i had to share her still but only saturdays (which is the most busiest days for my salon) My supervisor just wants to leave me with two stylist for a Saturday. Well on Saturday my Friend Cory had told the other Manager I . Saturdays, the other manager got pissed off and started saying things about me. So Cory went and talk to her in the back where they could talk in private. It ended up in a heated discussion with Cory just telling her ok, whatever, let's just make the best of it, she touched her shoulder with a friendly shake "don't worry about it" after going back out to cut hair the manager was making some curt remarks that pissed cory off so she decided to just leave she didn't need to put up with this shit. Now the manager is telling my Supervisor that Cory attacked her and she might lose her job, both there and at my salon. My supervisor called me and told me that she was going to fire my friend, i thought this was stupid cause she knows one i am short handed.... The other Salon lost four other employees because The other manager is a real bitch. So now, i lost two people in one week. plus another stylist which is a full timer is about to quit and i won't have any one to work for me. Cory is willing to stay and help me out and now my supervisor wants to fire her. It totally sucks. and now i will be probably working 7 days a week. I could quit too but then i won't be making the kind of money i have been making which is pretty good. It all boils down to my supervisor being a superbitchor. All i have is my word.

Daughter

2004-05-17T01:04:28Z

What I want to write about today, is about my daughter. Danyale was a quite little girl and played mostly by herself as, after her brother was born she had a friend that she could play with and their relationship til this day is amazing. During elementry School and Middle School, she struggled making friends, and making her grades she barely passed middle school and mostly made D's and F's I had almost given up on her. She didn't want to learn and her and her little sister fought constantly. Danyale went to Highschool and something there for her changed. She was in band it was the only thing she seem to like the best in middle school, she played Clarinet (my Clarinet) then was given the chance to play Bass clarinet (only because she had begged.) When she got to High School she connected with her band mates, She came home happy telling me about the things they did in band camp and she had something. Most the kids in the band in Highschool was getting good grades and she started making good grades herself, her first 9 weeks pulled a 4.0 she kept her grades up through 9th grade, and again in 10th grade. She had played Bass Clarinet both years and she was thrilled because she got it because she was good. She also played Soccer this year held her grades up while being involved with band. she did all this with the fact that Danyale has . now it's the end of the 10th grade year, and she has done an excellent job, she got an award for making High Honor Roll. She made section leader in Band for her Clarinet section and 1st chair clarinet. I couldn't be more proud of her. Children grow up epilepsyso fast. You fight with them when they are young but it just seems like just tomorrow she will be gone from my house. Love your children today, because the days go by fast.

sucky job

2004-05-15T03:16:28Z

Today i can honestly say i hate my job. I went to work, like i always do... I knew i didn't want to go in today. well anyways. One of my girls quit which put me shorter than short handed. The girl who quit her mother was a stylist there too. So that meant two girls quit. So i asked the other stylist if she was planning on leaving. and she said she was thinking of it. So now, i might not have a life. Just work. So my job sucks

Poem

2004-05-14T15:07:20Z

IMMORTALS KISS
By Diana
Come hither within
You life’s lonely end
A touch of forever’s youth
Dreams of nights of sinfully
Plights and days of peacefully slumber
Hold my hand as we explore this land
Forever’s-promised gifts a touch from my
Lips to your sweet skin, will accept my immortal
Kiss.

Thanks To Lysa

2004-05-14T15:04:48Z

Thank You Lysa for helping me open this account... Now i can express my veiw's, thoughts stories, and poems with others..... Thank you Thank You Thank You.